I am really pleased to be invited to join another group show, this one, from my pals at the Cultivate Gallery (and Organ). Sean Worral and Emma Harvey curate the most amazingly varied yet always top notch artists in one place. It is a pleasure to be back in the fold and part of such an awesome group of people, (even if it is virtually).
I previously exhibited a few times at their Vyner Street Gallery space in London, the last time was in about 2014. It was tricky getting there and back during nursery hours, but managed just about. Then child number 2 came along which changed everything further. Below are a couple of images of my work in the gallery, if you can spot them!
This exhibition will feature 3 new art works, a fresh insight in to the Accused project previously made. The work highlights that once accused of something as significant as FII, that it is impossible to walk away from it. Revisiting this work in a new style 7/8 years later, emphasises that no matter how much time moves on, the hurt is real. You want them to feel that pain too.
I have been exploring scale in the new work, as traditionally i go big, or go home, (or go live which is life-size, so big i guess too). I have gone small almost by accident, as a way to fulfil my creative instincts attempting to squeeze in art around everything else expected of me. I’m the kind of person who takes up space, and i am not ashamed to do so as a woman, so going small is contrary to my nature. I wonder what this says about me right now, and my urgency to create on whatever scale possible, just to have a voice again. I have gladly found my voice again.
I was compelled to go little, whilst looking through some vintage postcards that i connected with the family and the theme. A way to expand the time and place perhaps. It somehow, makes the accusations all the more devastating when i change the context from the 6′ posters that engulfed me, in to small postcard sizes that i can feel and hold in my hands, and look at time and time again. Tiny tactile pictures made of even tinier pieces of cut up text and images, collaged together, photographed and then dismantled. Like a jigsaw, nothing was glued, nothing was safe.
Nothing here is permanent, it is slightly unnerving for me that they only existed in that ephemeral state – i dislike losing things, so that these will never exist again in ‘real life’, adds an anxious edge to the work personally – it’s why i ended up printing the photos several times over – photos that were taken on my bed, with my mobile phone, in the diminishing light of the early autumn sun – hence the inconsistent tone, the shadows, spelling mistakes and badly cut edges – it is what it is, it was created, it is now gone. I will not re-do it. life is not perfect, neither am i, neither is the work.
Fabricated & Induced Illness is the latest patriarchal institutional tactic, in a long line of historic and contemporary witch hunts against women, others & now, Mothers.
Parental Blame is the Stick they beat us with,
FII is the rope they hang us with.
Bernadette Louise 2023.
This is the last work i made about this topic, and the last time i made work (about 6 years ago) as a result of the impact bernadettelouise.com/artist/accused/
Whilst awaiting reprints of my original ‘Yesterday i was pregnant’ photos, i felt a new creativity had been ignited in me. The easiest way to make art for me, apart from writing, is to scratch some shit up. So i decided to do some mono-prints, to varying degrees of success as it has been over 20 years since i did any. This time, i used a basic water-based printing ink and small roller, i just happened to have lying around – as you do – and this is the outcome. I did some o paper, but i am REALLY pleased with the fabric ones i have used to make cards.
These cards are very limited, each piece of muslin is hand drawn by mono-print and mounted with surgical gauze tape onto a folding A6 card, with envelope.
I’m glad to announce that i was selected to be a part of the exhibition ‘In Memory Of’ at The House of Smalls Art Gallery in Chipping Campden, England.
For details about the Exhibition please click linked image below.
Please note that this exhibition includes references AND IMAGES RELATING to ILLNESS, LOSS, ABUSE, DEATH AND (EARLY) MISCARRIAGE.
In Memory Of is The House of Smalls Chipping Campden Gallery’s fifth show and exhibits the work of 75 artists in both the dollhouse and main space.
~ A show for artworks made in remembrance of someone lost/left.
Not all memories are loving.
Yesterday I was pregnant.
Photography A4 (each)
£POA
Bernadette Louise an artist, writer and researcher, but above all else, a mother.
When this piece was made, early miscarriage wasn’t talked about – even the past 10 years have seen a massive increase of awareness and openness to disclose early miscarriage, which is an improvement on the way things were.
It always felt wrong, being pregnant and no one knowing, and then one day, you’re no longer pregnant and still no one knew. It’s a private loss, a hidden mourning for a baby that was expected but never came.
With ‘silent miscarriage’, no one knows, until you’re faced with a sonogram of an empty sac or a static blob in utero. It’s a loss that never goes away. Even into the following pregnancy, the anxiety of loss, and fear of it happening again is excruciating. Never being able to enjoy the prospect of becoming a mother, just waiting, and waiting.
Although ‘Yesterday I was pregnant’ was created in 2011, Bernadette only exhibited these pieces in 2014, rushing around between London and Worcestershire, pregnant with baby number 2, whilst toddler number 1 was at nursery. The dynamic of parenting and creating artworks was logistically and emotionally challenging. Furthermore, in the years since, Bernadette has been diagnosed Autistic, following her children’s diagnoses. This threw a new light on much of her previous artworks about female identity. Everything took on a different meaning, and never had the need to make art felt so urgent. Since then, there has been lots bubbling under the surface, with focus on research and autism. Bernadette is now picking up where she left off, by sharing this work with audiences to add to a growing discourse around the healthcare of mothers, including those who are autistic, and to encourage conversations about how the experiences might differ.
When this was written Bernadette was unaware that she was Autistic, and had to deal with a range of isolating emotions, that now make more sense.
After a long time, I have actually decided to re-enter the art scene. It feels like it’s come along all of a sudden, and it has even surprised me how quickly. But when I look at the build-up over the past few years, since Covid especially, I had been doing a lot of self-reflection. I was so fed up during Covid, unhappy and trapped in a life that I didn’t recognise, or want. I was so bored with my existence that I just randomly decided to do a Masters. Although I had to make the choice about courses, Art or Psychology. – MA or MSc, how could I choose between two career paths? I did not choose Art. (There was a reason I opted for Msc Psychology, which is for another post).
Anyway, fast-forward a couple more shitty years later, where I found myself doing a lot of critical/theoretical reading; starting to follow more art things online; I had been working on ideas continually but now making miniature ‘happening’s in the kitchen; actually buying art; sketchbook-ing small images; buying weird shit from eBay; I even made a commitment to myself through a tattooed sigil to follow my path.
It was all leading to one inevitable outcome. Re-emerging.
Here I am, back, scrabbling around at the last minute, trying to get images printed, organise hanging and due to my own total lack of executive function and failure to plan, pay attention and do things expected of me, it seems my autism (and adhd traits) are just running amok on my resurgence. At least this time around, I am aware of it, wy I am like it, not to feel shame about it, admit to it, embrace it, but… it might take a while to sink in how I need to counteract it more effectively going in to the future when I do more exhibitions and start to actually produce some real-life new art work.
I’ve known that I am supposed to be an artist since I was a teenager. I was wholly out of place in my body, and I couldn’t navigate the world in any other way apart from creatively. Even before that I wrote weird poems, and made up crazy, depressing stories, didn’t want to play outside with the neighbours, or make ‘friends’ just for the sake of it. I suppose it was always there, that, and my unknown Autism (they feel like one and the same to me now I reflect). I was encouraged to take art at high school by my wonderful Art Teacher, Mrs Jan Stephens. She supported me in so many ways, artistically and emotionally. I learned then, I was allowed to talk and that my voice had value. I was given permission then to express myself, honestly and authentically, and in one way or another, I haven’t stopped since.
My artistic education was a mixed bag. After A levels (resulting in very poor grades for someone who is now so academic and determined) I was accepted on to the ‘best foundation course’ around, yet it was a crappy intake, with such a lot of extra travelling, so I went to my local art school. Best decision I ever made. I loved it.
Then began my turbulent relationship with art, education and my own divisive personality.
Creative Career – the reality
My career now officially spans over 2 decades! That isn’t to say I have 20+ years of work under my belt! By no means would that have been possible for me. I have worked on and off, catering to my own needs, my children’s, and of course, financial. I always received a decent amount interest in my work, and thankfully at times, formal recognition for my style, commitment, and voice, from colleagues, Galleries, Arts Council England and other organisations. There came a point where I questioned, when does an artist stop being ’emerging’? When it is success? I have had several artistic successes. I am a professional artist because I have received money for my services. But at what point is that over? At what point did I arrive and go away again? (Well I can tell you exactly when it went away – was taken away – but it’s another story). I never stopped being an artist. I just stopped creating sometimes. I suppose, what I have decided is that I am constantly re-emerging. Is that a thing? Well I just made it one. So yes. Re-emerge.
Here i will be posting a variety of things that might be of interest. These blogs will cover the areas of my work, sometimes individually, sometimes they will over lap.
Autism, Art, Research, Life.
It is inevitable that at times, i will just be ranting, whilst others, i will share valuable knowledge that might help someone else navigate a challenging system. Needless to say, as with everything i do, it will be inextricably in my voice, based on experience.
I aim to use hashtags or some kind of labelling system to make it easier to filter them, dependant on your needs. Let’s hope that works hey, otherwise, you will be absorbed into the rather chaotic workings of my mind. If that happens, welcome.
Welcome to my personal clutter, my painterly mess, my own interior scroll.
