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Re-emerge

Recognition, Resurgence and executive function

After a long time, I have actually decided to re-enter the art scene. It feels like it’s come along all of a sudden, and it has even surprised me how quickly. But when I look at the build-up over the past few years, since Covid especially, I had been doing a lot of self-reflection. I was so fed up during Covid, unhappy and trapped in a life that I didn’t recognise, or want. I was so bored with my existence that I just randomly decided to do a Masters. Although I had to make the choice about courses, Art or Psychology. – MA or MSc, how could I choose between two career paths? I did not choose Art. (There was a reason I opted for Msc Psychology, which is for another post). 

Anyway, fast-forward a couple more shitty years later, where I found myself doing a lot of critical/theoretical reading; starting to follow more art things online; I had been working on ideas continually but now making miniature ‘happening’s in the kitchen; actually buying art; sketchbook-ing small images; buying weird shit from eBay; I even made a commitment to myself through a tattooed sigil to follow my path.

It was all leading to one inevitable outcome. Re-emerging.

Here I am, back, scrabbling around at the last minute, trying to get images printed, organise hanging and due to my own total lack of executive function and failure to plan, pay attention and do things expected of me, it seems my autism (and adhd traits) are just running amok on my resurgence. At least this time around, I am aware of it, wy I am like it, not to feel shame about it, admit to it, embrace it, but… it might take a while to sink in how I need to counteract it more effectively going in to the future when I do more exhibitions and start to actually produce some real-life new art work.  

Then and since then,

Once upon a time, in a land not far enough away…

I’ve known that I am supposed to be an artist since I was a teenager. I was wholly out of place in my body, and I couldn’t navigate the world in any other way apart from creatively.  Even before that I wrote weird poems, and made up crazy, depressing stories, didn’t want to play outside with the neighbours, or make ‘friends’ just for the sake of it. I suppose it was always there, that, and my unknown Autism (they feel like one and the same to me now I reflect). I was encouraged to take art at high school by my wonderful Art Teacher, Mrs Jan Stephens. She supported me in so many ways, artistically and emotionally. I learned then, I was allowed to talk and that my voice had value. I was given permission then to express myself, honestly and authentically, and in one way or another, I haven’t stopped since.

My artistic education was a mixed bag. After A levels (resulting in very poor grades for someone who is now so academic and determined) I was accepted on to the ‘best foundation course’ around, yet it was a crappy intake, with such a lot of extra travelling, so I went to my local art school. Best decision I ever made. I loved it. 

Then began my turbulent relationship with art, education and my own divisive personality.

Creative Career – the reality

My career now officially spans over 2 decades! That isn’t to say I have 20+ years of work under my belt! By no means would that have been possible for me. I have worked on and off, catering to my own needs, my children’s, and of course, financial. I always received a decent amount interest in my work, and thankfully at times, formal recognition for my style, commitment, and voice, from colleagues, Galleries, Arts Council England and other organisations. There came a point where I questioned, when does an artist stop being ’emerging’? When it is success? I have had several artistic successes. I am a professional artist because I have received money for my services. But at what point is that over? At what point did I arrive and go away again? (Well I can tell you exactly when it went away – was taken away – but it’s another story). I never stopped being an artist. I just stopped creating sometimes. I suppose, what I have decided is that I am constantly re-emerging. Is that a thing? Well I just made it one. So yes. Re-emerge.

My Interior Scroll

Blog/Updates/Info

Here i will be posting a variety of things that might be of interest. These blogs will cover the areas of my work, sometimes individually, sometimes they will over lap.

Autism, Art, Research, Life.

It is inevitable that at times, i will just be ranting, whilst others, i will share valuable knowledge that might help someone else navigate a challenging system. Needless to say, as with everything i do, it will be inextricably in my voice, based on experience.

I aim to use hashtags or some kind of labelling system to make it easier to filter them, dependant on your needs. Let’s hope that works hey, otherwise, you will be absorbed into the rather chaotic workings of my mind. If that happens, welcome.

Welcome to my personal clutter, my painterly mess, my own interior scroll.